Frozen, Floored, and Frightened

Have you ever heard God speak so clearly that it made you feel like your heart was going to beat out of your chest? This happened to me last night or should I say early this morning. On Monday night, Josiah woke up sick to his stomach and threw up a couple of times. Not a fun night for Joseph and I, but God got us through it. For those of you who know me very well, you know that I can not handle watching someone throw up or thinking that I may have to. I do not know why, but since I can remember it frightens me so much my whole body starts to shake. Because of this fear, I spend so much time worrying about washing my hands, sanitizing my kid's hands, cleaning my counters, going "Lysol crazy" (as my brother and Joseph call it), making sure my chicken is done, throwing away anything in my fridge or pantry that is expired (even if it is one day past the expiration date). I want to have control of the situation and make sure everything is clean and sanitized. Do not get me wrong, all these things are ok to do especially in the cold months, but please believe me when I say that I take it to a whole different level! I spend a lot of time worrying about what my kids touched, what I touched, did I Lysol that door knob, and many other things that would probably take me hours to tell you. This is something that I have struggled with for almost five years.

Going back to my story. After the night was over and Josiah was feeling much better I spent the next few days scared to death that the rest of us were going to be sick. I finally realized that worrying was taking away my focus on God. I did not do my quiet time and to an extent turned away from God. This was bringing me down and disturbing my relationship with the Lord. Wednesday morning I went to our women's bible study at church. We are studying the book of Esther and how it's tough being a woman. I was so excited after I left and ready to start doing our homework, but I was distracted and did not get to it. After the kids were in bed I took out the book and started to do the first days lesson, but was distracted once again. I decided to go to bed, but tossed and turned and could not sleep. Finally at about 1:30 AM, I sat up, turned on my light and took out my bible study book. I started to do day one and was almost done when I looked in the margin and it said "Don't forget to look for something of yourself within these pages." I thought to my self, my life is good right now. I do not know if I will find myself within these pages. I turned the page and started to read. Beth Moore talked about how the world we live in is not perfect and we go through troubles and tribulations because we live in a world full of sin. I am going to state the next few sentences word for word.

"Beloved, something is always wrong! I still live in the real world where I get my feelings hurt, go to funerals, get rejected, catch stomach viruses, and age overnight."

I stopped reading and my heart started beating so hard that I had to get up from my bed and go in the living room because I could not stand still. It was now 2:30 AM and I had to step outside my front door because I felt suffocated. God spoke to me in a such a personal way through this one sentence. It was as if He snapped His fingers at me and said, "Wake up and turn your eyes back on Me!!!!!! You are not in control I am!" I was so scared to keep reading and all I wanted to do was close the book, set it on my night stand and go to sleep. I was frozen, I was floored, and I was frightened. I could not go back to sleep because God was not done speaking to me. For many years worrying about germs and viruses has become my world and I know that I have to let go. I sat on my couch and struggled because I was scared that if I gave the worrying to God I was going to be sick. I sat there praying to God and had an intense conversation with Him. I was telling Him I could not let go and He was telling me I had to let go. As I write this, I am still having this conversation with the Lord and I ask everyone to pray for this. I know that it might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but this is hard for me. I am so scared to post this because only a couple of people know about this worry and fear that I have carried for years! I have sat here trying to delay me posting this and I think. Why God do I have to make this public? Let's keep this between you and me, but He is telling me I have to do this. Why??? I do not know, but I know that it is for His glory!

What is your worry or fear that is keeping your eyes from the Lord? You may not realize it because it may be something so small and insignificant. Ask God to reveal to you anything that is keeping your eyes off Him. When He reveals it or if you know what it is, then join me in letting go! It is going to be hard, but God is waiting on us to give it to Him. I picture Him siting beside me saying I am ready to take control, give it to Me, let Me deal with it. Beth Moore continued to say that this world will cause us much grief, but there is a happy ending! Yes there is!!

Dear God,

I am turning this worry and fear to you. I am letting go and I am going to live in the Miracle of the Moment.

Amen

Speechless

I have been speechless the last few days. Every time I tried to write or study the word and listen to God's voice, I felt that I was distracted. On Sunday, I received some bad news, and I feel that I have allowed that to take over my mind. I believe that is just what the devil wanted. He always tries to bring us down or make us so mad that we focus on all the wrong things. The past few days, I have been so distracted, unorganized and unfocused. I realized today, at our women's bible study, that the last time I opened my bible was Sunday during our morning service. I do not know about all of you, but if I do not start my day by spending some time with God I am a total mess.  I am still speechless, but I am ending my day with the Lord!

I also wanted to ask all of you to pray for my dad and our family. Sunday is going to be a tough day for everyone. I will not go into details on here, but it will determine the future of my dad's ministry at First Hispanic Baptist Church in Gainesville. My dad is a very special man and I love him very much. He is a servant of the Lord and he always will be. He is my hero. How many people, after going through what dad has would simply give up and turn away from God? Yet he continues to love the Lord and preach His word. Dad encourages me to look past the "bad stuff" in life and keep my eyes on the final prize. When I see him, I do not feel pity or sad for him, I rejoice to know that he is still here!

Dad,

Thank you for loving me and for showing me that no matter what life brings I can always trust that God has a purpose. I love you so very much and thank God for allowing me to have a father like you. Thank you for setting a good example and teaching me that God comes first no matter what! I pray for you every night and think about you everyday. I love you and I am so very proud of you.

"They will fight you, but they will fall. For I am with you, and I will take care of you. I, the Lord, have spoken!" Jeremiah 1:19

I love you dad,

Maggie

GO!

Last Sunday morning I was talking to my sixth grade girls about what happens when we do not follow God's will. We learned about Jonah and how he ended up in the stomach of a big fish because he did not obey the Lord. We also talked about how we should always follow God's will, even when it requires for us to step out of our "comfort zones." I do not know about you, but it is extremely hard for me to step out of my comfort zone. This is something that God has been asking me to do in many areas of my life, but that is another story for another day :).

I began to think after reading "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper...excellent book by the way. How many people in the world are walking around wasting their life because I didn't have the courage to step out of my "box" and share God's love with them. How many missionaries are out sharing the Gospel in countries where they can be killed for telling others about Christ? Yet here I am, in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave too stuck in my own ways and too comfortable in my zone to tell someone about Christ. Most of us are familiar with Matthew 28:18-20, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." God commands you and I to GO! Not to sit back and let the missionaries or pastors of our church do all the work. We need to get up and go out into the world and share the love of Christ.

WOW

As I shared with you a couple of days ago, this month has been a tough month for us financially. This morning as I read my devotion, God reminded me that His promises are strong enough to handle any trial, situation, or circumstance in my life. In the devotional that I am reading, Catherine Martin wrote, "The promises that God has given you are worth more than any earthly possessions; the promises of God make you a spiritual multimillionaire." I am rich in the Lord and He is all I need.

As I checked our bank account online this morning and reminded myself that my hope is in the Lord, I received a phone call from the insurance company who is working our case. For those of you that do not know, about a month ago the kids and I were in a car accident. Thankfully it was not my fault and the other driver's insurance has taken responsibility for the costs. The representative wanted to talk to me about the bill from the hospital. Now you may want to take a seat, because what happened next is amazing. It went something like this.....

Representative: "ma'am I also wanted to know if you would accept a check for your pain and suffering"

Me: "You mean like you are going to give me a check...for me?

Representative: "Yes, and would you accept this amount for your son?"

Me: "You are sending me money for my son too...ok yes..." (As I thought to myself, is this really happening)

Representative: "Ok well I will go ahead and send you the check for the depreciation of value, a check for your pain and suffering, a check for your son's pain and suffering, and we are also going to send you a check in the amount of $___ to replace your car seats."

Me: "Ok...wow..thanks. So I don't need to buy them first and then send you a receipt to be reimbursed.

Representative: "No, we will go ahead and send you the check. I am sending them out today."

After our conversation was over I was overwhelmed in joy. I went and told Joseph and he did not know how to respond. I was speechless, but at the same time I wanted to scream and shout Praise God, Praise God!! The amount they are sending is exactly what we needed to get through the month.  How awesome it is to know that when you give it all to the Lord you will have no regrets! I sit here and my eyes are full of tears because I am so thankful and feel so blessed! Philippians 4:19 says, "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." I am living proof of that. God wants us to cast all our fears and anxiety on Him because he cares for us. He loves us so much that He says "hey, I got this."

Trust the Lord and give it all to Him. When you do, hold on because He WILL show up!

The same promises that I hold on to are yours as well. Hold on to His promises, trust in Him, cast all your anxiety and fears on Him and sit back and watch Him work.

I Love Ya'll

Maggie

826 6:55 pm

Faith Like Abraham

I have been blessed with being able to stay at home with my children. I thank God everyday that he continues to provide. I am thankful that I have a husband who works one full-time job, one part-time job, and an off duty security job where he works twice a month. In the past two months Joseph's health insurance increased and his hours at the off duty job decreased. I spent a few days maybe even weeks frustrated and upset. Over the past year Joseph and I have cut many "luxuries" out of our budget and have concentrated on living a simple life. This month has been one of the toughest months we have had, but in the past few days I have experienced God's peace like never before. Please do not feel sorry for us, this is not why I am sharing this. We are very blessed and God continues to bless us beyond belief. I share this because of what I want to share with you.

In Romans 4:18 it says, "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed....." Abraham continued to believe in God even when all human possibilities seemed impossible. This is what God has shown me in the past few days. Even when everything seems impossible, nothing is impossible for God. We have to have faith like Abraham and believe in the Lord's promises. In Romans 4:20 it continues to say "Yet he (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strenthened in his faith and gave glory to God. Being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised." We should not waste our time wavering in unbelief and living with doubts of God's power. We should be strengthened by our Faith that God is all-powerful and keeps His promises. 

Maybe you are not struggling financially, maybe your struggles are different than mine, but one thing is the same. That is the power of Jesus Christ and if He lives in your heart then you have the assurance that He is with you all the time. No matter what your circumstance is, give it to God! Do not just give some of it to Him, give it ALL! For a long time I wanted to fix things and do things my way, but I have realized that I am not strong enough. That is why I have given it all to Him and I think that for the first time in my life I am experiencing what that feels like. I am standing on His promises and trusting in Him completely. I do not know what tomorrow brings, but I know that I can face it because He lives in me.