Thursday, September 17, 2009

My Little Princess Turns One

Mary Elisabeth turned one on August 21st. I can not believe how fast this year has gone by. I am so in love with my baby girl and I thank God everyday for blessing our family with Mary Elisabeth! Here are a few things about my little princess:

1. She has quite a personality and does allow her big brother to run all over her! She fights back!
2. She is quite a dancer!! If she hears music she begins to dance and clap her hands.
3. Her hair is getting curly!
4. She crinkles her little nose when she smiles!
5. She does the Miss America wave and says "bye.

We had a little get together on her actual birthday at my parent's house. Then we invited all of our friends and family to celebrate at our church's family life center. We picked out the Disney Princess' Theme and decorated with pink balloons! We had a really good time! 

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Frozen, Floored, and Frightened

Have you ever heard God speak so clearly that it made you feel like your heart was going to beat out of your chest? This happened to me last night or should I say early this morning. On Monday night, Josiah woke up sick to his stomach and threw up a couple of times. Not a fun night for Joseph and I, but God got us through it. For those of you who know me very well, you know that I can not handle watching someone throw up or thinking that I may have to. I do not know why, but since I can remember it frightens me so much my whole body starts to shake. Because of this fear, I spend so much time worrying about washing my hands, sanitizing my kid's hands, cleaning my counters, going "Lysol crazy" (as my brother and Joseph call it), making sure my chicken is done, throwing away anything in my fridge or pantry that is expired (even if it is one day past the expiration date). I want to have control of the situation and make sure everything is clean and sanitized. Do not get me wrong, all these things are ok to do especially in the cold months, but please believe me when I say that I take it to a whole different level! I spend a lot of time worrying about what my kids touched, what I touched, did I Lysol that door knob, and many other things that would probably take me hours to tell you. This is something that I have struggled with for almost five years.

Going back to my story. After the night was over and Josiah was feeling much better I spent the next few days scared to death that the rest of us were going to be sick. I finally realized that worrying was taking away my focus on God. I did not do my quiet time and to an extent turned away from God. This was bringing me down and disturbing my relationship with the Lord. Wednesday morning I went to our women's bible study at church. We are studying the book of Esther and how it's tough being a woman. I was so excited after I left and ready to start doing our homework, but I was distracted and did not get to it. After the kids were in bed I took out the book and started to do the first days lesson, but was distracted once again. I decided to go to bed, but tossed and turned and could not sleep. Finally at about 1:30 AM, I sat up, turned on my light and took out my bible study book. I started to do day one and was almost done when I looked in the margin and it said "Don't forget to look for something of yourself within these pages." I thought to my self, my life is good right now. I do not know if I will find myself within these pages. I turned the page and started to read. Beth Moore talked about how the world we live in is not perfect and we go through troubles and tribulations because we live in a world full of sin. I am going to state the next few sentences word for word.

"Beloved, something is always wrong! I still live in the real world where I get my feelings hurt, go to funerals, get rejected, catch stomach viruses, and age overnight."

I stopped reading and my heart started beating so hard that I had to get up from my bed and go in the living room because I could not stand still. It was now 2:30 AM and I had to step outside my front door because I felt suffocated. God spoke to me in a such a personal way through this one sentence. It was as if He snapped His fingers at me and said, "Wake up and turn your eyes back on Me!!!!!! You are not in control I am!" I was so scared to keep reading and all I wanted to do was close the book, set it on my night stand and go to sleep. I was frozen, I was floored, and I was frightened. I could not go back to sleep because God was not done speaking to me. For many years worrying about germs and viruses has become my world and I know that I have to let go. I sat on my couch and struggled because I was scared that if I gave the worrying to God I was going to be sick. I sat there praying to God and had an intense conversation with Him. I was telling Him I could not let go and He was telling me I had to let go. As I write this, I am still having this conversation with the Lord and I ask everyone to pray for this. I know that it might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but this is hard for me. I am so scared to post this because only a couple of people know about this worry and fear that I have carried for years! I have sat here trying to delay me posting this and I think. Why God do I have to make this public? Let's keep this between you and me, but He is telling me I have to do this. Why??? I do not know, but I know that it is for His glory!

What is your worry or fear that is keeping your eyes from the Lord? You may not realize it because it may be something so small and insignificant. Ask God to reveal to you anything that is keeping your eyes off Him. When He reveals it or if you know what it is, then join me in letting go! It is going to be hard, but God is waiting on us to give it to Him. I picture Him siting beside me saying I am ready to take control, give it to Me, let Me deal with it. Beth Moore continued to say that this world will cause us much grief, but there is a happy ending! Yes there is!!

Dear God,
I am turning this worry and fear to you. I am letting go and I am going to live in the Miracle of the Moment.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009


I have been speechless the last few days. Every time I tried to write or study the word and listen to God's voice, I felt that I was distracted. On Sunday, I received some bad news, and I feel that I have allowed that to take over my mind. I believe that is just what the devil wanted. He always tries to bring us down or make us so mad that we focus on all the wrong things. The past few days, I have been so distracted, unorganized and unfocused. I realized today, at our women's bible study, that the last time I opened my bible was Sunday during our morning service. I do not know about all of you, but if I do not start my day by spending some time with God I am a total mess.  I am still speechless, but I am ending my day with the Lord!

I also wanted to ask all of you to pray for my dad and our family. Sunday is going to be a tough day for everyone. I will not go into details on here, but it will determine the future of my dad's ministry at First Hispanic Baptist Church in Gainesville. My dad is a very special man and I love him very much. He is a servant of the Lord and he always will be. He is my hero. How many people, after going through what dad has would simply give up and turn away from God? Yet he continues to love the Lord and preach His word. Dad encourages me to look past the "bad stuff" in life and keep my eyes on the final prize. When I see him, I do not feel pity or sad for him, I rejoice to know that he is still here!

Thank you for loving me and for showing me that no matter what life brings I can always trust that God has a purpose. I love you so very much and thank God for allowing me to have a father like you. Thank you for setting a good example and teaching me that God comes first no matter what! I pray for you every night and think about you everyday. I love you and I am so very proud of you.

"They will fight you, but they will fall. For I am with you, and I will take care of you. I, the Lord, have spoken!" Jeremiah 1:19

I love you dad,